DW and Challenges
Feb. 16th, 2019 03:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
22degreehaloHaaaah but I'm actually kinda feeling a little Not Great today in general. For a couple of reasons (one being that the headphone jack in my computer no longer works, so I can' really play any games or anything this weekend until I do something about it... but it seems like getting a bluetooth will fix the issue so I can do that Monday) but some DW related so. Ramble I guess.
Firstly: y'know I had kind of thought that a community titled![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fan_flashworks would be about, like, flash fic? I.e. fic written quickly? And it turns out I was correct! And also that by posting the fic I did for my square a week ago when I finished it, that was sorta against the rules. Because bingo square fic has to match the current challenge and I have to wait for an amnesty round otherwise. And I don't blame them at all for the mixup - I'm the dumbass who didn't read the rules properly beforehand. (Although when I decided to write the fic 'Reflect' was the week theme so I guess I just figured I could post it when it was done and didn't update that assumption...) But it's frustrating because the prompts in my bingo card are so good and I came up with so many ideas for them... Obviously I can still write them but I was trying to be Involved - that was the whole point!!
And theeeeen I also have a thing I was working on forseasonofkink's seasonal round, which - surprise! - I have not yet finished. This is honestly so fucking frustrating because at every stage I was sure I would finish it in time - it felt so far away, and I had it fully planned out, and last written I got out 3k of it, which is at least halfway done. Hell, two days ago I had some free time in the evening and wondered whether to do some more work on it, but decided it wasn't necessary. Even though I knew it was due by Valentine's Day and of course I didn't miss for five minutes that was coming. But somehow my stupid goddamn brain never put two and two together and alterted me 'hey, self - if this fic is due Valentine's day, and it's Valentine's day in a few days, isn't the fic due in a few days?' This one doesn't even matter because I can still post it during amnesty - i.e. right now - when it's done, but it's just... my brain does this stupid shit all time - my 'hey, pay conscious attention to this maybe?' meter is completely broken and it's the source of so, so much anxiety in my life as I constantly move around worried I've forgotten something important and already messed things up so when things like this happens it's kinda like yep!! wait until I get actual responsibilities and this happens with something important!! :')
(Edit: Oh yeah, and I totally missed alands_of_magic prompt for a whole week. Again: this should not be an issue! I still have plenty of time! But also I Hate It That This Happened :') )
ANYWAY. brain aside. Some of my tension... honestly goes back to a particular cultural thing here - not a bad one, but one that doesn't always work for me. That is: DW heavily favours writing many short fic. Over and over, as long as you're above the very small minimum, nothing else matters. Which makes sense for challenges and things centered around prompts. They're meant to incite creativity. And a lot of the time you need a kick into just writing something and posting it without spending ages to probe every detail or make sure it's 100% perfect.
But it doesn't work super well with my writing style, as I tend to write longer fic (the latest was 2k but I honestly hardly ever go lower than that) and like to spend my time looking it over before posting. Not to say I'm a perfectionist - I can think of sooo many fic I'd rewrite slightly if I had the patience, but which I just wanted to get out there. But I think I'll improve as a writer much more by getting into the nitty gritty than just writing and leaving them.
It doesn't help when we have all these conversations (okay, this was mainly in January, but I still think about it a lot) about making Dreamwdith Active and encouraging Content Creation and Activity. And my eyes are always bigger than my stomach (er, hands?) here because I always want to contribute to Everything, even things that are transparently not places I'd naturally be contributing to (like, I read a Jeeves book a couple of years ago and enjoyed it and have read a few delightful Jeeves/Wooster fic but it is neither a major fandom of mine nor one I am at all qualified to write in - and I haven't watched the TV series yet so I can't icon it either!). But but but there are just so many good promptfests and exchanges and bingos and behind every one is a person who worked hard to put it on and only want to see people enjoying it and taking part and I want to so badly but I don't!! Have!! The time!!! (Or focus or patience or self-control, or all four.)
Again: I don't in any way think this is a bad thing!! DW has a unique culture to it and I think that's really amazing, and Challenge culture is a good one to have! But... well, I just hadn't ever seen this articulated anywhere. And I wanted... to explain, maybe? What's going on with this blog and everything.
Just, if I say 'this looks really cool but I don't have the time!' sometimes, 'oh you can just write something really short! :)' isn't the best response! I genuinely mean both parts of the statement: you should be proud of what you have done, and also, I cannot justify spending the time to do this that it would take to make something I would not be dissatisfied by.
(And pleaaaase I don't want to start a debate here or anything. I know this is 99% my own dumb, screwed up thought processes and might not be relevant to anyone else. It's so fun and interesting seeing all the different challenges here, I just... wish I could do more, and want to make it clear that I'm not trying to blow anyone off here by not taking part!!)
Firstly: y'know I had kind of thought that a community titled
fan_flashworks would be about, like, flash fic? I.e. fic written quickly? And it turns out I was correct! And also that by posting the fic I did for my square a week ago when I finished it, that was sorta against the rules. Because bingo square fic has to match the current challenge and I have to wait for an amnesty round otherwise. And I don't blame them at all for the mixup - I'm the dumbass who didn't read the rules properly beforehand. (Although when I decided to write the fic 'Reflect' was the week theme so I guess I just figured I could post it when it was done and didn't update that assumption...) But it's frustrating because the prompts in my bingo card are so good and I came up with so many ideas for them... Obviously I can still write them but I was trying to be Involved - that was the whole point!!And theeeeen I also have a thing I was working on for
seasonofkink's seasonal round, which - surprise! - I have not yet finished. This is honestly so fucking frustrating because at every stage I was sure I would finish it in time - it felt so far away, and I had it fully planned out, and last written I got out 3k of it, which is at least halfway done. Hell, two days ago I had some free time in the evening and wondered whether to do some more work on it, but decided it wasn't necessary. Even though I knew it was due by Valentine's Day and of course I didn't miss for five minutes that was coming. But somehow my stupid goddamn brain never put two and two together and alterted me 'hey, self - if this fic is due Valentine's day, and it's Valentine's day in a few days, isn't the fic due in a few days?' This one doesn't even matter because I can still post it during amnesty - i.e. right now - when it's done, but it's just... my brain does this stupid shit all time - my 'hey, pay conscious attention to this maybe?' meter is completely broken and it's the source of so, so much anxiety in my life as I constantly move around worried I've forgotten something important and already messed things up so when things like this happens it's kinda like yep!! wait until I get actual responsibilities and this happens with something important!! :')(Edit: Oh yeah, and I totally missed a
lands_of_magic prompt for a whole week. Again: this should not be an issue! I still have plenty of time! But also I Hate It That This Happened :') )ANYWAY. brain aside. Some of my tension... honestly goes back to a particular cultural thing here - not a bad one, but one that doesn't always work for me. That is: DW heavily favours writing many short fic. Over and over, as long as you're above the very small minimum, nothing else matters. Which makes sense for challenges and things centered around prompts. They're meant to incite creativity. And a lot of the time you need a kick into just writing something and posting it without spending ages to probe every detail or make sure it's 100% perfect.
But it doesn't work super well with my writing style, as I tend to write longer fic (the latest was 2k but I honestly hardly ever go lower than that) and like to spend my time looking it over before posting. Not to say I'm a perfectionist - I can think of sooo many fic I'd rewrite slightly if I had the patience, but which I just wanted to get out there. But I think I'll improve as a writer much more by getting into the nitty gritty than just writing and leaving them.
It doesn't help when we have all these conversations (okay, this was mainly in January, but I still think about it a lot) about making Dreamwdith Active and encouraging Content Creation and Activity. And my eyes are always bigger than my stomach (er, hands?) here because I always want to contribute to Everything, even things that are transparently not places I'd naturally be contributing to (like, I read a Jeeves book a couple of years ago and enjoyed it and have read a few delightful Jeeves/Wooster fic but it is neither a major fandom of mine nor one I am at all qualified to write in - and I haven't watched the TV series yet so I can't icon it either!). But but but there are just so many good promptfests and exchanges and bingos and behind every one is a person who worked hard to put it on and only want to see people enjoying it and taking part and I want to so badly but I don't!! Have!! The time!!! (Or focus or patience or self-control, or all four.)
Again: I don't in any way think this is a bad thing!! DW has a unique culture to it and I think that's really amazing, and Challenge culture is a good one to have! But... well, I just hadn't ever seen this articulated anywhere. And I wanted... to explain, maybe? What's going on with this blog and everything.
Just, if I say 'this looks really cool but I don't have the time!' sometimes, 'oh you can just write something really short! :)' isn't the best response! I genuinely mean both parts of the statement: you should be proud of what you have done, and also, I cannot justify spending the time to do this that it would take to make something I would not be dissatisfied by.
(And pleaaaase I don't want to start a debate here or anything. I know this is 99% my own dumb, screwed up thought processes and might not be relevant to anyone else. It's so fun and interesting seeing all the different challenges here, I just... wish I could do more, and want to make it clear that I'm not trying to blow anyone off here by not taking part!!)
fandom
Date: 2019-02-16 06:52 am (UTC)I do feel a bit guilty when I sign up for something and then just don't have the energy to follow through, but I try to remind myself that the whole point of fandom is just having fun enjoying common interests. It's not a competition to see who can produce the most stuff. I honestly don't think anyone pays any attention to anyone else's goals to see if they've done all the things they said they were going to do.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-16 03:16 pm (UTC)