Aspec article ideas up for grabs
Dec. 16th, 2018 05:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
22degreehaloSo, since coming to terms with being possibly aro/ace, I’ve found myself looking more critically at the amount of a-spec relevant media produced by general LGBTQIA groups and blogs, and overall I’ve been… not impressed. I always had a feeling that a-specs were overlooked, but when being a-spec is possibly my full identity, it really can’t be ignored.
My main issue honestly is that a-spec identities are just never afforded the same depth that others are. People can write five-part essays about lesbian fashion, but a-specs rarely garner a mention beyond the occasional ‘asexuality exists!’ 101 article. (And aromantics are lucky even to be mentioned in that.) But there is just so much to the aspec experience - our lives are just as complicated and deep and contadictory as anyone else's! And this oversimplification of asepc existence - this treating of aspecs as 'boring' or one-dimensional or otherwise unwarranting of in-depth thought - is part of how aspecs are dehumanised, and how oppression of us is justified.
So, to try and combat that in at least some small way, I thought I’d write up a list of topics relating to a-spec identity or experience which I’d love to read more articles on, which may serve as inspiration for others if necessary:
* Aspec identity and gender, covering either/both the weirdness of gendering yourself in a world where (hetero) romance is such a large part of defining gender, and the strong tendency for trans people to also be aspec.
* Aspec identity and race, both in how identifying as aspec contradicts some racial stereotypes as being highly sexualised and aggressive, but also defies stereotypes of being entirely sexually/romantically passive and ‘available’, and the empowerment of e.g. asexual Asian men to redefine what it means to be authentically asexual and not dehumanised because of it.
* Aspec identity and neurodivergence, both in how asexual and aromantic identities are similarly dehumanised and so aspec coding tends to co-occur with neurodivergent coding and how this can be challenged without harming aspec neurodivergents, and also the strong tendency for neurodivergents to also be aspec.
* Trauma-induced aspec identity and ‘born this way’ and how to make sense of forced/temporary/chosen aspec identity without validating conversion narratives
* Aspec conversion therapy and corrective rape and how it is similar/different from gay or bi conversion, particularly as it comes to medicalisation.
* Compulsory heterosexuality and how it is similar/different for aspecs as opposed to gay people, and how to change how we talk about compulsory heterosexuality without enforcing that there is another ‘real’ attraction. (Because seriously the number of posts I’ve seen that apply 100% to aspecs right up until some tacked-one ‘someday you’ll meet a cute girl and know what attraction really is!!’ comment at the end…)
* Differences in experience between gay, bi, aro, and hetero aces, and vice versa for aros.
* Differences in experience between aces and aros in general, particularly in terms of relationship with the broader LGBTQIA community, and intracommunity communication. (Good place to talk about aro erasure in ace communities.)
* The specifics of being a alloromantic asexual, or an aromantic allosexual. E.g., feeling blocked from enjoying sex as an allosexual aromantic due to internalised shame about sex in the absence of even the potential for romantic feelings.
* Potential historical a-specs, from those who may also have been LGBTQIA+ in another way (such as Langston Hughes), and those who probably weren’t (such as Nikola Tesla).
* The special challenge of finding historical a-specs given that relationships cannot be pointed to for evidence, leading historians to rely on either behaviour or self-reported lack of interest. Also, how such figures have often been interpreted as gay instead.
* Different interpretations of asexual or aromantic identity in different cultures and time periods (e.g., asexuality may have been assumed as norm in parts of the Victorian era).
* The place for aspecs in LGBTQIA+ history during various movements – e.g., the validation of aspec women during the wave of lesbian theory in which all woman/woman relationships, even the totally non-sexual and non-romantic, were considered under the banner of ‘lesbian’, not to mention the entire concept of political lesbians.
* Related to the above, but: specific contributions that aspecs have made to the LGBTQIA+ community through history.
* The way that aspecs have been treated by various LGBTQIA+ movements and how that erasure and hostility has damaged aspecs, whether intentionally (e.g. current ace discourse) or unintentionally (e.g. how the narrowing of focus to same-sex marriage left aspecs as well as other groups such as trans people out in the dark).
* Lateral oppression, and how asexuals, aromantics, gay people, and bi people are all oppressed as being not straight, but in different ways, and are capable of repeating and reproducing straight-originated oppressive ideals against one another.
* Aspec representation, both in terms of overt aspec characters (and what they bring to the table versus what we’re still lacking), and in terms of historical coded aspec characters such as Sherlock Holmes and The Doctor. (The fact that the previous two have been presented much more allo in recent decades being an interesting topic.)
* Aspec experience and classism – with so much of modern society based around two-person financial units, and the presumption that sharing a roof will necessarily involve sexual/romantic contact, the difficulty of finding financial security as an aspec, and the pressure to enter into unwanted relationships to gain that security.
* Aspec identity and kink, with asexuals tending to be more interested in kink whether due to taking more enjoyment in less overtly interpersonal sexual experiences or out of intellectual curiosity, and aromantics (probably?) due to the potential for finding other, non-romantic sources of intimacy.
* Aspec identity and alternate relationship styles, with asexuals naturally being associated with open relationships and polyamory, and aromantics entering into completely different kinds of relationships such as QPPs which are far more likely than normal to be polyamorous.
* The common association of aspecs (particularly asexuals) with food, and what this may indicate in terms of seeking out non-sexual physical pleasure.
* Aspec identity and gender, and how gender norms universally punish attempts to self-define identity and diverge from the norm, but do so in very different ways and from different directions based on gender. (e.g., asexual men are ‘not real men’ but aromantic men are ‘aggressive woman-haters’ while asexual women are ‘frigid prudes’ and aromantic women are ‘cold, heartless women’.)
* Differing forms of non-sexual physical intimacy and non-romantic emotional intimacy that aspecs may want to consciously bring into their relationships.
* Guides on how to have conversations with a partner (from both directions, and even between fellow aspecs) regarding personal comfort, limits, and pleasures. (Relationship anarchy is useful here.)
* Aspecs and sexual violence, stats and personal stories so that victims need not feel alone.
* Help for aspecs in saying no to unwanted contact.
* Aspec pride, and the positive aspects (pun intended) of being on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrum, including aspec culture (i.e. fashion, words, flags – anything ‘claimed’ by the community.)
* Navigating romance- and sex-obsessed culture as an aspec and what it means to constantly be bombarded with stories in which both are portrayed as inherent to human nature and universal human experience – what those stories say, what they get wrong, and what we can get out of them anyway.
* Lists of aspec-friendly media (whether classic or popular culture) that focuses on platonic relationships, found families, and alternate relationship arrangements.
* Aspecs and fandom, both the ways that it is very helpful and positive towards aspecs (much more representation than typical fiction, acknowledgement of the many different ways aspecs can look and act through headcanons, the ability for aspecs to access and let out feelings they wouldn’t want to experience IRL), but also the ways it either can do better or is actively bad (ace discourse obviously but also the tendency to sideline aspec characters, and the way shipping culture can be very isolating and harmful to aromantics).
* Critiquing asexual and aromantic stereotypes and how they are used to dehumanise aspecs and force them to pretend to be normal.
* But also, reclaiming some famous aspec images (e.g. aliens and robots) as representing a real part of modern aspec existence.
* How to toe that line between acknowledging the aspec struggle vs. present positive pictures of aspec thriving, and between reclaiming negative imagery without succumbing to them or validating a singular aspec ‘experience’. Also, differentiating situationally negative stereotypes (e.g. ‘all aspecs are autistic’, which is negative when used to dehumanise but not inherently bad) vs. entirely negative stereotypes (e.g. ‘all aspecs are incapable of compassion and are basically sociopaths.’)
* Navigating grey spaces, finding an identity when you’re not that way 100% of the time, or when you’re not entirely sure what your identity is, or when you can’t be certain your identity won’t change in the future. Validating people whose identities do change, while also acknowledging that not everyone has to consider every option and it’s okay to pick an identity that suits well enough.
* The specific grey space of being an aspec with nontraditional experience – asexuals with libidos, asexuals who enjoy sex, asexuals who find sex very fascinating and interesting, aromantics who find romance very fascinating, aromantics who want to be in a relationship, etc.
* The triple threat of loneliness as an aspec: feeling left out of ‘universal human experience’, feeling left out because your identity is almost never acknowledged, and worrying that you’ll be left behind by your friends and never have truly strong personal relationships. Acknowledging that loneliness and probing its depths, while still providing hope for the future.
* Guides on how to better involve your aspec friend in your life, even when you are in a romantic relationship, and how to continue to support them rather than devote yourself entirely to your partner. (Toxic monogamy culture is also relevant here.)
* Guides on how to write an aspec character – how to avoid one-dimensional stereotypes, how to avoid invalidating other aspecs (e.g. by having your asexual put down aromantics by saying ‘I can still love!’), how to casually assert a character’s aspec identity without speaking down to the reader, how to educate the reader without briefly departing from your story to give a boring lecture, reminder to focus on the aspec’s relationships rather than just toss them in as token representation and then ignore them, etc.
* Discussion of different ways to assert an aspec character’s identity to the audience and how that may change/have changed over time. (I’m thinking of aroworlds talking about how using the word ‘aromantic’ in fiction still kind of feels like a Tumblr Social Justice Thing, and how they no longer feel that way about dropping the word ‘transgender’ even though it used to feel like that, because transgender identities have become much more well known and mainstream.)
* How we conceptualise aspecness on the ‘spectrum of oppression’ (i.e., I’ve seen so many people assume as natural law that straights are the best off, gay people are the most oppressed/different, and everything else is less different and less oppressed) and how that mental model is neither universal nor always accurate at all, and may be actively harmful.
* Help for aspecs who either don’t know what they are yet or are just starting to consider whether they might be aspec and are overwhelmed by everything before them. (When I realised I might be aro/ace I honestly saw NO resources for people like me for the longest time – almost all aspec stuff I saw was only for the benefit of telling allos to be less oppressive.)
* General discussion of the unknowing aspec experience, how it impacts growing up and relationships before you’re even aware of what you are.
* Microlabels and their uses but also their limitations. (Being particularly relevant to aspec and nonbinary communities in general as most microlabels are either related to the ace- or aromantic spectrum or nonbinary gender.)
* How aspecs have defined their own identity over time, covering such things as the nonlibidoist movement, the separation of aromanticism from being a subset of asexuality, etc.
* Differing approaches from aspec identity as a serious, often unhappy thing which reflects a very real internal restriction, versus aspec identity as silly and weird and intentionally parodic (i.e. ‘my sexual identity is bladesexual.’) How to prevent people entirely in the former group from feeling mocked, patronised, and ignored, and how to prevent people fully in the latter group from feeling like they’re wrong to feel positively about their identity or think about their aspecness in creative, radical ways.
* Aspec identity and religion, both how religion has sometimes been a way to escape typical amatonormative expectations (for Christianity, this would include celibacy requirements for people such as nuns and priests; I’m not familiar enough with other religions to give other examples), but also how religion has been used to heavily push amatonormativity (again, for Christianity this has involved presenting marriage and sexual reproduction as the only path, to the extent that some Catholics even oppose conception by any means other than PIV sex, invalidating IVF and the like which many asexuals might prefer).
* Amatonormativity as a subset of heteronormativity, and teasing apart past definitions of heteronormativity which still assume the presence of some sexual or romantic interest/attraction/behaviour.
* How amatonormativity impacts on allosexual alloromantics – e.g. where same-sex couples are prevented from marrying, and amatonormativity holds marriage as the true path for all people, those couples are also oppressed under amatonormativity.
* The limitations of treating oppression as purely based on physical violence or overt hostility, and how that ignores internal experience as a factor, and how self-censorship can be an even more effective control on behaviour than external punishment. Particularly relevant for aspecs as those are inordinately likely to be in the situation of, e.g., always being treated kindly by those around them, but consumed with self-loathing and/or deep depression due to being unable to live authentically or due to viewing oneself as lacking in love or compassion or being entirely alone.
...and probably more, which I’ll try to add if I think of them.
Unfortunately, I myself don’t really feel up to writing any of the above articles for any kind of popular site, because a) I am a weenie who cannot handle even mild criticism, b) I don’t feel like I’ve gathered enough aspec experience yet to accurately depict the community. I’m still really a newbie in terms of identifying this way!! Plus, a lot of them are just honestly outside my wheelhouse entirely, most notably the race and religion points.
Though I won’t claim that I definitely won’t ever end up writing up a post for any of these at one point or another...
My main issue honestly is that a-spec identities are just never afforded the same depth that others are. People can write five-part essays about lesbian fashion, but a-specs rarely garner a mention beyond the occasional ‘asexuality exists!’ 101 article. (And aromantics are lucky even to be mentioned in that.) But there is just so much to the aspec experience - our lives are just as complicated and deep and contadictory as anyone else's! And this oversimplification of asepc existence - this treating of aspecs as 'boring' or one-dimensional or otherwise unwarranting of in-depth thought - is part of how aspecs are dehumanised, and how oppression of us is justified.
So, to try and combat that in at least some small way, I thought I’d write up a list of topics relating to a-spec identity or experience which I’d love to read more articles on, which may serve as inspiration for others if necessary:
* Aspec identity and gender, covering either/both the weirdness of gendering yourself in a world where (hetero) romance is such a large part of defining gender, and the strong tendency for trans people to also be aspec.
* Aspec identity and race, both in how identifying as aspec contradicts some racial stereotypes as being highly sexualised and aggressive, but also defies stereotypes of being entirely sexually/romantically passive and ‘available’, and the empowerment of e.g. asexual Asian men to redefine what it means to be authentically asexual and not dehumanised because of it.
* Aspec identity and neurodivergence, both in how asexual and aromantic identities are similarly dehumanised and so aspec coding tends to co-occur with neurodivergent coding and how this can be challenged without harming aspec neurodivergents, and also the strong tendency for neurodivergents to also be aspec.
* Trauma-induced aspec identity and ‘born this way’ and how to make sense of forced/temporary/chosen aspec identity without validating conversion narratives
* Aspec conversion therapy and corrective rape and how it is similar/different from gay or bi conversion, particularly as it comes to medicalisation.
* Compulsory heterosexuality and how it is similar/different for aspecs as opposed to gay people, and how to change how we talk about compulsory heterosexuality without enforcing that there is another ‘real’ attraction. (Because seriously the number of posts I’ve seen that apply 100% to aspecs right up until some tacked-one ‘someday you’ll meet a cute girl and know what attraction really is!!’ comment at the end…)
* Differences in experience between gay, bi, aro, and hetero aces, and vice versa for aros.
* Differences in experience between aces and aros in general, particularly in terms of relationship with the broader LGBTQIA community, and intracommunity communication. (Good place to talk about aro erasure in ace communities.)
* The specifics of being a alloromantic asexual, or an aromantic allosexual. E.g., feeling blocked from enjoying sex as an allosexual aromantic due to internalised shame about sex in the absence of even the potential for romantic feelings.
* Potential historical a-specs, from those who may also have been LGBTQIA+ in another way (such as Langston Hughes), and those who probably weren’t (such as Nikola Tesla).
* The special challenge of finding historical a-specs given that relationships cannot be pointed to for evidence, leading historians to rely on either behaviour or self-reported lack of interest. Also, how such figures have often been interpreted as gay instead.
* Different interpretations of asexual or aromantic identity in different cultures and time periods (e.g., asexuality may have been assumed as norm in parts of the Victorian era).
* The place for aspecs in LGBTQIA+ history during various movements – e.g., the validation of aspec women during the wave of lesbian theory in which all woman/woman relationships, even the totally non-sexual and non-romantic, were considered under the banner of ‘lesbian’, not to mention the entire concept of political lesbians.
* Related to the above, but: specific contributions that aspecs have made to the LGBTQIA+ community through history.
* The way that aspecs have been treated by various LGBTQIA+ movements and how that erasure and hostility has damaged aspecs, whether intentionally (e.g. current ace discourse) or unintentionally (e.g. how the narrowing of focus to same-sex marriage left aspecs as well as other groups such as trans people out in the dark).
* Lateral oppression, and how asexuals, aromantics, gay people, and bi people are all oppressed as being not straight, but in different ways, and are capable of repeating and reproducing straight-originated oppressive ideals against one another.
* Aspec representation, both in terms of overt aspec characters (and what they bring to the table versus what we’re still lacking), and in terms of historical coded aspec characters such as Sherlock Holmes and The Doctor. (The fact that the previous two have been presented much more allo in recent decades being an interesting topic.)
* Aspec experience and classism – with so much of modern society based around two-person financial units, and the presumption that sharing a roof will necessarily involve sexual/romantic contact, the difficulty of finding financial security as an aspec, and the pressure to enter into unwanted relationships to gain that security.
* Aspec identity and kink, with asexuals tending to be more interested in kink whether due to taking more enjoyment in less overtly interpersonal sexual experiences or out of intellectual curiosity, and aromantics (probably?) due to the potential for finding other, non-romantic sources of intimacy.
* Aspec identity and alternate relationship styles, with asexuals naturally being associated with open relationships and polyamory, and aromantics entering into completely different kinds of relationships such as QPPs which are far more likely than normal to be polyamorous.
* The common association of aspecs (particularly asexuals) with food, and what this may indicate in terms of seeking out non-sexual physical pleasure.
* Aspec identity and gender, and how gender norms universally punish attempts to self-define identity and diverge from the norm, but do so in very different ways and from different directions based on gender. (e.g., asexual men are ‘not real men’ but aromantic men are ‘aggressive woman-haters’ while asexual women are ‘frigid prudes’ and aromantic women are ‘cold, heartless women’.)
* Differing forms of non-sexual physical intimacy and non-romantic emotional intimacy that aspecs may want to consciously bring into their relationships.
* Guides on how to have conversations with a partner (from both directions, and even between fellow aspecs) regarding personal comfort, limits, and pleasures. (Relationship anarchy is useful here.)
* Aspecs and sexual violence, stats and personal stories so that victims need not feel alone.
* Help for aspecs in saying no to unwanted contact.
* Aspec pride, and the positive aspects (pun intended) of being on the asexual and/or aromantic spectrum, including aspec culture (i.e. fashion, words, flags – anything ‘claimed’ by the community.)
* Navigating romance- and sex-obsessed culture as an aspec and what it means to constantly be bombarded with stories in which both are portrayed as inherent to human nature and universal human experience – what those stories say, what they get wrong, and what we can get out of them anyway.
* Lists of aspec-friendly media (whether classic or popular culture) that focuses on platonic relationships, found families, and alternate relationship arrangements.
* Aspecs and fandom, both the ways that it is very helpful and positive towards aspecs (much more representation than typical fiction, acknowledgement of the many different ways aspecs can look and act through headcanons, the ability for aspecs to access and let out feelings they wouldn’t want to experience IRL), but also the ways it either can do better or is actively bad (ace discourse obviously but also the tendency to sideline aspec characters, and the way shipping culture can be very isolating and harmful to aromantics).
* Critiquing asexual and aromantic stereotypes and how they are used to dehumanise aspecs and force them to pretend to be normal.
* But also, reclaiming some famous aspec images (e.g. aliens and robots) as representing a real part of modern aspec existence.
* How to toe that line between acknowledging the aspec struggle vs. present positive pictures of aspec thriving, and between reclaiming negative imagery without succumbing to them or validating a singular aspec ‘experience’. Also, differentiating situationally negative stereotypes (e.g. ‘all aspecs are autistic’, which is negative when used to dehumanise but not inherently bad) vs. entirely negative stereotypes (e.g. ‘all aspecs are incapable of compassion and are basically sociopaths.’)
* Navigating grey spaces, finding an identity when you’re not that way 100% of the time, or when you’re not entirely sure what your identity is, or when you can’t be certain your identity won’t change in the future. Validating people whose identities do change, while also acknowledging that not everyone has to consider every option and it’s okay to pick an identity that suits well enough.
* The specific grey space of being an aspec with nontraditional experience – asexuals with libidos, asexuals who enjoy sex, asexuals who find sex very fascinating and interesting, aromantics who find romance very fascinating, aromantics who want to be in a relationship, etc.
* The triple threat of loneliness as an aspec: feeling left out of ‘universal human experience’, feeling left out because your identity is almost never acknowledged, and worrying that you’ll be left behind by your friends and never have truly strong personal relationships. Acknowledging that loneliness and probing its depths, while still providing hope for the future.
* Guides on how to better involve your aspec friend in your life, even when you are in a romantic relationship, and how to continue to support them rather than devote yourself entirely to your partner. (Toxic monogamy culture is also relevant here.)
* Guides on how to write an aspec character – how to avoid one-dimensional stereotypes, how to avoid invalidating other aspecs (e.g. by having your asexual put down aromantics by saying ‘I can still love!’), how to casually assert a character’s aspec identity without speaking down to the reader, how to educate the reader without briefly departing from your story to give a boring lecture, reminder to focus on the aspec’s relationships rather than just toss them in as token representation and then ignore them, etc.
* Discussion of different ways to assert an aspec character’s identity to the audience and how that may change/have changed over time. (I’m thinking of aroworlds talking about how using the word ‘aromantic’ in fiction still kind of feels like a Tumblr Social Justice Thing, and how they no longer feel that way about dropping the word ‘transgender’ even though it used to feel like that, because transgender identities have become much more well known and mainstream.)
* How we conceptualise aspecness on the ‘spectrum of oppression’ (i.e., I’ve seen so many people assume as natural law that straights are the best off, gay people are the most oppressed/different, and everything else is less different and less oppressed) and how that mental model is neither universal nor always accurate at all, and may be actively harmful.
* Help for aspecs who either don’t know what they are yet or are just starting to consider whether they might be aspec and are overwhelmed by everything before them. (When I realised I might be aro/ace I honestly saw NO resources for people like me for the longest time – almost all aspec stuff I saw was only for the benefit of telling allos to be less oppressive.)
* General discussion of the unknowing aspec experience, how it impacts growing up and relationships before you’re even aware of what you are.
* Microlabels and their uses but also their limitations. (Being particularly relevant to aspec and nonbinary communities in general as most microlabels are either related to the ace- or aromantic spectrum or nonbinary gender.)
* How aspecs have defined their own identity over time, covering such things as the nonlibidoist movement, the separation of aromanticism from being a subset of asexuality, etc.
* Differing approaches from aspec identity as a serious, often unhappy thing which reflects a very real internal restriction, versus aspec identity as silly and weird and intentionally parodic (i.e. ‘my sexual identity is bladesexual.’) How to prevent people entirely in the former group from feeling mocked, patronised, and ignored, and how to prevent people fully in the latter group from feeling like they’re wrong to feel positively about their identity or think about their aspecness in creative, radical ways.
* Aspec identity and religion, both how religion has sometimes been a way to escape typical amatonormative expectations (for Christianity, this would include celibacy requirements for people such as nuns and priests; I’m not familiar enough with other religions to give other examples), but also how religion has been used to heavily push amatonormativity (again, for Christianity this has involved presenting marriage and sexual reproduction as the only path, to the extent that some Catholics even oppose conception by any means other than PIV sex, invalidating IVF and the like which many asexuals might prefer).
* Amatonormativity as a subset of heteronormativity, and teasing apart past definitions of heteronormativity which still assume the presence of some sexual or romantic interest/attraction/behaviour.
* How amatonormativity impacts on allosexual alloromantics – e.g. where same-sex couples are prevented from marrying, and amatonormativity holds marriage as the true path for all people, those couples are also oppressed under amatonormativity.
* The limitations of treating oppression as purely based on physical violence or overt hostility, and how that ignores internal experience as a factor, and how self-censorship can be an even more effective control on behaviour than external punishment. Particularly relevant for aspecs as those are inordinately likely to be in the situation of, e.g., always being treated kindly by those around them, but consumed with self-loathing and/or deep depression due to being unable to live authentically or due to viewing oneself as lacking in love or compassion or being entirely alone.
...and probably more, which I’ll try to add if I think of them.
Unfortunately, I myself don’t really feel up to writing any of the above articles for any kind of popular site, because a) I am a weenie who cannot handle even mild criticism, b) I don’t feel like I’ve gathered enough aspec experience yet to accurately depict the community. I’m still really a newbie in terms of identifying this way!! Plus, a lot of them are just honestly outside my wheelhouse entirely, most notably the race and religion points.
Though I won’t claim that I definitely won’t ever end up writing up a post for any of these at one point or another...
no subject
Date: 2018-12-16 07:24 am (UTC)My NaNoWriMo was about an aro/ace character and reading some of these articles would have been helpful. I know I am going to need some sensitivity readers at least when it gets to that point.