For your consideration: Aromantic Yuna
Dec. 15th, 2018 10:21 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
22degreehaloSo I was reminded of this just now and I'd like you all to formally consider, if only for a moment: aromantic Yuna.
Yes - yes! I know, I know. But hear me out!!
* Little Yuna grows up without a mum but with a dad, two very loving older sibling figures, and a warm furry protector. She never felt like she needed any more than this, and as she gets older, still doesn't.
* But over time, romance inevitably comes into the picture. She watches everything going on with Lulu and Chappu, and doesn't really understand it - but she understands equally Lulu and Wakka's pain when he is taken from them. That makes sense to her, even as the return of Sin fills her with dread.
* She also feels eyes on her. And she knows that when she becomes an adult, she will be expected to be married and make a family. But she can't...imagine that, at all. Is that because, in her heart, she always felt that her destiny was to become a summoner like her father and dedicate her life to defeating Sin? Or does her inability to envision her future help her make that decision? Maybe both.
* Then she meets Tidus, and he's nice. He treats her like any other teenage girl, something that the boys in Besaid never really did even before she became a summoner. It's nice to pretend, testing out this other existence that for many reasons never belonged to her. And maybe that's why it's eaiser - everyone knows that it's only just pretend. (Until it starts to become clear that actually, he really doesn't know.)
* Seymore proposes. And in an instant, everything changes. What irony, that she could never see herself being married - always knew she would be a summoner - and now, after years of training and after gaining her ability, she's questioning herself. She doesn't love Seymore. But would she love anyone, that way? She's always been able to avoid that question, but now she can't stop thinking about it.
* She will never forget that day, when she was eight years old, and everyone in the city was laughing and crying and throwing parades, singing with glee, and she knew that this meant her father was dead.
* Could she do that without dying? She knows beyond shadow of a doubt that there are people who love her - Lulu and Wakka begged her not to become a summoner, and she can see the pain in Khimari's eyes when he thinks she can't see him. She's always accepted as fiat that what brings happiness to Spira will not bring happiness for her, personally. So, this makes sense, when she thinks about it. She could marry him and remain a symbol, keep smiling. He won't expect her to pretend to love him, she doesn't think. There's something a little...comforting, about that.
* But Seymore is more than just a cold politician. When she steps down the aisle, she knows, deep down, that she's making the worst mistake of her life. She doesn't have much choice by now, though. She always felt railroaded by destiny, but this is Wrong - this is so much worse than anything else.
* She cares about Tidus. She expected to like him, obviously - she always tries to like people. But she thought he'd be happy to flirt a little and play some Blitzball, and... he actually might love her. Does she love him? When he kissed her, she was so sad. Thinking about what would happen after she and Seymore were married - about the wedding night, and every night to follow - it had scared her. Tidus feels...safe, but in a distant way. In another life, maybe she and he could have been lovers, and been married, and made the family she never really had growing up.
* When he kisses her, it's like escaping to that world, if just for a moment. She's a normal girl, and he's a normal boy. It's not real - she'll still die. But why not enjoy this with her time left? Why not try out all of the things she never expected to be able to do? It doesn't feel bad, kissing him. It feels nice. She cares about him, a lot.
* Maybe she won't die. She doesn't...like that idea. What will she do? But Lulu hugs her, so tightly. She shouldn't think about this - the future of Spira is more important. Didn't she promise to do anything for it? She can't think about this now.
* Tidus leaves. She pushes forward, hands trembling, eyes shining with emotions she cannot begin to understand. He looks at her, and she's sure he's terrified. She says: "Thank you."
* There are parades. She never thought she'd see them? It's honestly a shock. They're asked to come to Bevelle, but they go to Luca instead, to speak. She's happy - genuinely so, to see how many lifes have been impacted by her and her guardians - but she feels numb.
* Yuna is always pretending. The day her father died, she bawled her eyes out, but in the weeks and months afterwards, she stopped crying in front of people. Everyone had lost loved ones to Sin, but Braska was a symbol of life and hope, and nobody wanted to be reminded of who he left behind. Nobody wanted to feel bad about celebrating his death.
* People are happier when Yuna smiles. The more she smiles, the more they praise her, and thank her, and look to her for comfort. When she announces her plans to become a summoner, they smile, and so does she. They don't want to be reminded that deep down, she's scared and hurt and angry and uncertain. That's good. Those emotions are hers and hers only. They don't get to see them.
* So, after Sin, she keeps pretending. But it...shifts. The weight of responsibility is no longer on her, and when people are no longer looking at her directly, they seem to see her better out of the corner of their eye. They don't need her, and her attempts to assert herself in that role only make it clearer how unsure she is. She's obvious, suddenly, in some ways.
* Lulu and Wakka get together, conceive a baby. Everyone talks about how obvious it was that this would happen. It wasn't to her. She overhears someone saying that the two of them had always dedicated themselves to being second string - to Yuna, and to the summoner Lulu had travelled with before. Now, they could live for themeselves. Yuna feels impossibly bad. And she wonders: do people expect her to do this, now? But no - Lulu smiles sadly and says she understands that Yuna is mourning him.
* Maybe that's it. She'll get him back. She understands that. She puts her eggs in that basket.
* She also starts spending more time with Rikku, though.
* Baralai is nice. Actually, genuinely nice. Wakka shakes his head and mumbles something about two Yunas, which he overhears, and laughs awkwardly about, and so does she, because apparently Wakka is right. He suggests a marriage, and makes it clear that it could be anything she wants it to be. She looks at him. He's handsome, certainly. There's the fear that he could be like Seymore, certainly, but she knows that's irrational - while they've never been friends, she's known Baralai since she was a child, and no-one who's met him has anything bad to say about him personally, even the Al Bhed.
* Which is another thing. She had always been aware of the corruption and hypocrisy of the church, but in Besaid it had been easy to wave off. She wasn't really a representative of them, technically - she fought for Spira overall, and she was bound to the temple in Besaid specifically. But now, she can no longer ignore the evils the church has wrought, nor her part in standing on its behalf.
* So it's perfect. She likes him, and here, with him, she could do real good. Between them, they could change what Yevon means.
* ...she doesn't want it.
* She explains it to him. Haltingly, at first. How she could never be a loving wife to her, and how even going through the motions would feel... wrong. They would be a symbol as much as she and Seymore were - even if he were okay with remaining friends, the public would not be. She still doesn't understand a lot, but for the first time, she tries to be honest. She just doesn't... want to get married. At all.
* He listens. He thanks her. He gazes into the distance for a moment, and Yuna's heart clenches, but when he speaks, it's about himself. She doesn't know the full history, but it's clear that the world as it stands is constraining him, too. She places a hand on his and squeezes, and he smiles at her thankfully. It's nice, feeling like she can be honest, and still make people smile.
* She remakes herself, finally. She doesn't need marriage. She'll make Spira happy her way. The Gullwings seem a good start.
* People seem to assume that she's doing this for Tidus. He's certainly there, in her thoughts. He deserved so much better than what he got. If it's up to her to find a way to get him back, she'll take that on. And she's not scared. She knows herself better now. When they meet, she'll come to him as herself.
* ...okay, she's still scared. She still hates the idea of disappointing anyone. But she has some time to get used to the idea.
* It's fun, being part of the Gullwings. She genuinely does love helping people, as much as Paine snarks about it. And y'know, she doesn't mind wearing this kind of clothing, either. She had always worried she'd attract too much attention and then people would expect things from her that she couldn't give, but she's trying to get used to not giving people everything they want.
* And... she doesn't mind sex either, actually. She has a bit of a crisis learning that - only immoral people enjoy sex without love! - so she puts it aside. She can take her time with these things. It's good enough just to spend this time with Rikku and Paine and the others on the Celsius. When she wants it enough, she'll find a way.
* It's painful, learning that even after Sin, things can go so wrong in Spira. And it's frustrating. She was getting so good at making decisions for herself. Now everybody's set against one another, and the world is in crisis, and it's not like she can do anything but try to stop it!
* She doesn't like Lenne. She doesn't like that she seems to like kissing this man who looks like Tidus. Would Tidus prefer to have her instead? She feels dark and bitter and jealous and guilty and it sucks, but for once she just...lets herself feel it. She might be this way, but she doesn't have to feel happy about it.
* They deal with it. Of course they do. They're the motherfucking Gullwings.
* (Okay she doesn't say that, but she does say 'Motherf...ing' and Paine laughs and slaps her back and Cid looks scandalised so, close enough.)
* And then there's Tidus. She's so, so happy to see him, and he is to see her, and know that he's alive and okay and here.
* Then five minutes pass and it's clear that Tidus has not freaking idea what he's meant to be doing, here.
* Which: fair. Now that she thinks about it, that might've been why she enjoyed flirting with him so much to begin with - he felt there was no place for him in this world, either. He was pretending, too.
* So, she turns, and shrugs. He still hasn't reacted to her change in appearance, and she's not sure what to make of that. She wouldn't mind having sex with him, either, but only as long as he knows what it means, and they're both too unsettled for that, right now.
* "No matter what happens," she tells him, "you're always welcome here."
* He thinks about that, and nods. It's a start.
* They have all the time in the world to work things out, now. It's exactly what she tried to avoid, once upon a time. But this is a place they struggled and fought and died for. It kind of owes them this. Why shouldn't they get to appreciate it, the way that works for them?
(...okay that got really long and maybe should've been a fic but ARO!YUNA) (also are my Yunalai/Gippalai tendencies too obvious) (also the fact that I only played FFX-2 once and barely remember it.......)
Yes - yes! I know, I know. But hear me out!!
* Little Yuna grows up without a mum but with a dad, two very loving older sibling figures, and a warm furry protector. She never felt like she needed any more than this, and as she gets older, still doesn't.
* But over time, romance inevitably comes into the picture. She watches everything going on with Lulu and Chappu, and doesn't really understand it - but she understands equally Lulu and Wakka's pain when he is taken from them. That makes sense to her, even as the return of Sin fills her with dread.
* She also feels eyes on her. And she knows that when she becomes an adult, she will be expected to be married and make a family. But she can't...imagine that, at all. Is that because, in her heart, she always felt that her destiny was to become a summoner like her father and dedicate her life to defeating Sin? Or does her inability to envision her future help her make that decision? Maybe both.
* Then she meets Tidus, and he's nice. He treats her like any other teenage girl, something that the boys in Besaid never really did even before she became a summoner. It's nice to pretend, testing out this other existence that for many reasons never belonged to her. And maybe that's why it's eaiser - everyone knows that it's only just pretend. (Until it starts to become clear that actually, he really doesn't know.)
* Seymore proposes. And in an instant, everything changes. What irony, that she could never see herself being married - always knew she would be a summoner - and now, after years of training and after gaining her ability, she's questioning herself. She doesn't love Seymore. But would she love anyone, that way? She's always been able to avoid that question, but now she can't stop thinking about it.
* She will never forget that day, when she was eight years old, and everyone in the city was laughing and crying and throwing parades, singing with glee, and she knew that this meant her father was dead.
* Could she do that without dying? She knows beyond shadow of a doubt that there are people who love her - Lulu and Wakka begged her not to become a summoner, and she can see the pain in Khimari's eyes when he thinks she can't see him. She's always accepted as fiat that what brings happiness to Spira will not bring happiness for her, personally. So, this makes sense, when she thinks about it. She could marry him and remain a symbol, keep smiling. He won't expect her to pretend to love him, she doesn't think. There's something a little...comforting, about that.
* But Seymore is more than just a cold politician. When she steps down the aisle, she knows, deep down, that she's making the worst mistake of her life. She doesn't have much choice by now, though. She always felt railroaded by destiny, but this is Wrong - this is so much worse than anything else.
* She cares about Tidus. She expected to like him, obviously - she always tries to like people. But she thought he'd be happy to flirt a little and play some Blitzball, and... he actually might love her. Does she love him? When he kissed her, she was so sad. Thinking about what would happen after she and Seymore were married - about the wedding night, and every night to follow - it had scared her. Tidus feels...safe, but in a distant way. In another life, maybe she and he could have been lovers, and been married, and made the family she never really had growing up.
* When he kisses her, it's like escaping to that world, if just for a moment. She's a normal girl, and he's a normal boy. It's not real - she'll still die. But why not enjoy this with her time left? Why not try out all of the things she never expected to be able to do? It doesn't feel bad, kissing him. It feels nice. She cares about him, a lot.
* Maybe she won't die. She doesn't...like that idea. What will she do? But Lulu hugs her, so tightly. She shouldn't think about this - the future of Spira is more important. Didn't she promise to do anything for it? She can't think about this now.
* Tidus leaves. She pushes forward, hands trembling, eyes shining with emotions she cannot begin to understand. He looks at her, and she's sure he's terrified. She says: "Thank you."
* There are parades. She never thought she'd see them? It's honestly a shock. They're asked to come to Bevelle, but they go to Luca instead, to speak. She's happy - genuinely so, to see how many lifes have been impacted by her and her guardians - but she feels numb.
* Yuna is always pretending. The day her father died, she bawled her eyes out, but in the weeks and months afterwards, she stopped crying in front of people. Everyone had lost loved ones to Sin, but Braska was a symbol of life and hope, and nobody wanted to be reminded of who he left behind. Nobody wanted to feel bad about celebrating his death.
* People are happier when Yuna smiles. The more she smiles, the more they praise her, and thank her, and look to her for comfort. When she announces her plans to become a summoner, they smile, and so does she. They don't want to be reminded that deep down, she's scared and hurt and angry and uncertain. That's good. Those emotions are hers and hers only. They don't get to see them.
* So, after Sin, she keeps pretending. But it...shifts. The weight of responsibility is no longer on her, and when people are no longer looking at her directly, they seem to see her better out of the corner of their eye. They don't need her, and her attempts to assert herself in that role only make it clearer how unsure she is. She's obvious, suddenly, in some ways.
* Lulu and Wakka get together, conceive a baby. Everyone talks about how obvious it was that this would happen. It wasn't to her. She overhears someone saying that the two of them had always dedicated themselves to being second string - to Yuna, and to the summoner Lulu had travelled with before. Now, they could live for themeselves. Yuna feels impossibly bad. And she wonders: do people expect her to do this, now? But no - Lulu smiles sadly and says she understands that Yuna is mourning him.
* Maybe that's it. She'll get him back. She understands that. She puts her eggs in that basket.
* She also starts spending more time with Rikku, though.
* Baralai is nice. Actually, genuinely nice. Wakka shakes his head and mumbles something about two Yunas, which he overhears, and laughs awkwardly about, and so does she, because apparently Wakka is right. He suggests a marriage, and makes it clear that it could be anything she wants it to be. She looks at him. He's handsome, certainly. There's the fear that he could be like Seymore, certainly, but she knows that's irrational - while they've never been friends, she's known Baralai since she was a child, and no-one who's met him has anything bad to say about him personally, even the Al Bhed.
* Which is another thing. She had always been aware of the corruption and hypocrisy of the church, but in Besaid it had been easy to wave off. She wasn't really a representative of them, technically - she fought for Spira overall, and she was bound to the temple in Besaid specifically. But now, she can no longer ignore the evils the church has wrought, nor her part in standing on its behalf.
* So it's perfect. She likes him, and here, with him, she could do real good. Between them, they could change what Yevon means.
* ...she doesn't want it.
* She explains it to him. Haltingly, at first. How she could never be a loving wife to her, and how even going through the motions would feel... wrong. They would be a symbol as much as she and Seymore were - even if he were okay with remaining friends, the public would not be. She still doesn't understand a lot, but for the first time, she tries to be honest. She just doesn't... want to get married. At all.
* He listens. He thanks her. He gazes into the distance for a moment, and Yuna's heart clenches, but when he speaks, it's about himself. She doesn't know the full history, but it's clear that the world as it stands is constraining him, too. She places a hand on his and squeezes, and he smiles at her thankfully. It's nice, feeling like she can be honest, and still make people smile.
* She remakes herself, finally. She doesn't need marriage. She'll make Spira happy her way. The Gullwings seem a good start.
* People seem to assume that she's doing this for Tidus. He's certainly there, in her thoughts. He deserved so much better than what he got. If it's up to her to find a way to get him back, she'll take that on. And she's not scared. She knows herself better now. When they meet, she'll come to him as herself.
* ...okay, she's still scared. She still hates the idea of disappointing anyone. But she has some time to get used to the idea.
* It's fun, being part of the Gullwings. She genuinely does love helping people, as much as Paine snarks about it. And y'know, she doesn't mind wearing this kind of clothing, either. She had always worried she'd attract too much attention and then people would expect things from her that she couldn't give, but she's trying to get used to not giving people everything they want.
* And... she doesn't mind sex either, actually. She has a bit of a crisis learning that - only immoral people enjoy sex without love! - so she puts it aside. She can take her time with these things. It's good enough just to spend this time with Rikku and Paine and the others on the Celsius. When she wants it enough, she'll find a way.
* It's painful, learning that even after Sin, things can go so wrong in Spira. And it's frustrating. She was getting so good at making decisions for herself. Now everybody's set against one another, and the world is in crisis, and it's not like she can do anything but try to stop it!
* She doesn't like Lenne. She doesn't like that she seems to like kissing this man who looks like Tidus. Would Tidus prefer to have her instead? She feels dark and bitter and jealous and guilty and it sucks, but for once she just...lets herself feel it. She might be this way, but she doesn't have to feel happy about it.
* They deal with it. Of course they do. They're the motherfucking Gullwings.
* (Okay she doesn't say that, but she does say 'Motherf...ing' and Paine laughs and slaps her back and Cid looks scandalised so, close enough.)
* And then there's Tidus. She's so, so happy to see him, and he is to see her, and know that he's alive and okay and here.
* Then five minutes pass and it's clear that Tidus has not freaking idea what he's meant to be doing, here.
* Which: fair. Now that she thinks about it, that might've been why she enjoyed flirting with him so much to begin with - he felt there was no place for him in this world, either. He was pretending, too.
* So, she turns, and shrugs. He still hasn't reacted to her change in appearance, and she's not sure what to make of that. She wouldn't mind having sex with him, either, but only as long as he knows what it means, and they're both too unsettled for that, right now.
* "No matter what happens," she tells him, "you're always welcome here."
* He thinks about that, and nods. It's a start.
* They have all the time in the world to work things out, now. It's exactly what she tried to avoid, once upon a time. But this is a place they struggled and fought and died for. It kind of owes them this. Why shouldn't they get to appreciate it, the way that works for them?
